Voices – Page 44
I asked her if she was sure, John thought to himself. I asked her twice. Why is she doing this?
Jen was in the bathroom. Again.
Drinking.
Again.
He’d known for four days, since waking up one night when he felt her draw away from him and leave the bed, but didn’t yet know how to bring the subject up with her. He supposed if he’d paid any attention to the voices, he’d have known sooner, but these days the voices stayed firmly in the background of his mind. They were there when he needed them, but newer skills had become more important. The voices were white noise, so familiar that he barely noticed them.
He could pull the thoughts from her head now, and a part of him wanted nothing more than do so, but he had sworn to himself that he wouldn’t do that type of thing… not to the people he cared about. Not without their permission. Not even if it might help him. It seemed inevitable that starting down that road would lead to abuse some day.
From the bathroom, Jen made a soft sound that John thought might have been a sob. He clenched his teeth together, wanting to help her, not knowing how. Did he confront her about it? Did he wait and hope it got better?
One thing John knew he had to do was force her to slow down her sexual exploration. It was obvious that Jen was discovering feelings within her that she’d never expected to find, and John could understand how that would be intoxicating even without the alcohol. It was something he had some control over, though. Difficult as it might be to say “No” to Jen when she was lying on top of him, requesting he remove articles of her clothing, he was going to have to do it.
John heard the water run, and the door opened. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply, feigning sleep. Jen slid into bed next to him, still topless, kissed his chest, and pressed against him.
John let his eyes blink open. Trying to sound like he had just been roused from sleep, he said, “Hey. You okay? Did I feel you get up?”
“Yeah,” Jen said. “Sorry. I had to use the bathroom.”
Right. John thought. Out loud he said, “S’okay. It’s not even that late.”
“No, but you’ve been working hard. You should sleep.” Jen’s words were a little slurred, but her voice sounded tired and it might only have been from a need for sleep. John could smell the bourbon, though. He’d found it the other day, while Jen was out practicing with Brian, and considered disposing of it. In the end, he’d simply put it back, not yet sure how he wanted to approach her.
John put his arm around Jen. She curled up against him and closed her eyes. Within minutes, she was asleep. John listened to her breathing, and wondered what his problem was. He knew he should just confront her, yet he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
I think I’m falling in love with this one, he thought. I think that’s what this is.
John had been with several women, had even liked some of them, but he had never loved any before. Love seemed an impossibility to him, something that normal people experienced. He’d spent so long thinking he was crazy, and now here was someone else with unexplained abilities. A beautiful, sarcastic, funny, fucked-up girl whom he thought about all day long at work. He’d never thought of any of the others like that.
She had to stop drinking, though. It was going to hurt her, sooner or later. Probably sooner. Something had to be done, and John resolved to speak to her about it the next day. He moved a bit, shifting position so that Jen wouldn’t cut off the circulation to his arm. Then, kissing her forehead, he shut his eyes and fell asleep.
