Voices – Page 34
“If those are the kind of things you’re afraid of, Jen, then I’m happy to help you deal with your fears,” John said when she finally broke away from him.
Jen laughed, still standing next to his bed, holding his left hand in both of hers, not wanting to move away from him yet. She was scared, excited, content and confused. She felt dizzy and weak, and wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with him, lie against his chest and listen to his heart beat. She wondered if this was what being in love felt like.
“I’m sorry I left you,” she said.
John yawned. The Demerol was making it hard to stay awake. “It’s okay,” he said. “You’ve got shit you need to deal with. I understand that. I just… I’d like to help you deal with it, Jen. I thought I was helping, and then I woke up and you were gone.”
“I was afraid…” Jen stopped. She didn’t know how to explain it without sounding ridiculous.
John made a waving motion, dismissing her concerns. “I know, and it’s okay. It just took a couple of days to understand that I was being an idiot. I shouldn’t have expected you to just decide that everything was fine because you got one decent night’s sleep. I realized this wasn’t a one-night process, and went looking for you.”
“It might take a really long time, John. I might never get better… might never stop being scared. You could probably find someone else who’s ready to do a lot more than give you a kiss that may well give her nightmares for weeks.”
John nodded. “I probably could, but she wouldn’t be you.”
Jen turned a pretty shade of pink. She looked down, seeming not to know how to respond to this.
“Listen,” John said. “I don’t know the first thing about getting rape victims through psychological trauma, but I want to help. Will you let me?”
Jen nodded. “I’ll try.”
“Good. That’s good. We’ll get through things, you’ll see. The dreams will go away.”
Jen looked out the window at the night and shuddered a little. “I hope you’re right,” she said.
John yawned again, and said, “This stuff is knocking me out. Are you okay? Can you sleep?”
“I don’t know. Probably safer not to.”
“Fuck safety. You look exhausted. You had a night that would leave a lot of other girls sitting in a corner somewhere, shivering and crying. You need to sleep.”
“I’ll try.”
“Promise?”
“Yes, John.”
“Okay.” John paused, and for a moment she thought the drugs had at last gotten the better of him. The he yawned again, looked over at her, and grinned.
“Would I be a jerk if I asked for a goodnight kiss?”
Jen gave him a small smile, stepped forward, and leaned down again.
