Persephone’s Fall – Page 48
“Are you all right, Persephone?” Hades aks me, and I’m really not sure how to answer. I suppose not. People who are all right don’t faint, and then come to feeling like they’ve experienced some sort of rebirth. People who are all right are usually capable of forming a coherent sentence, but my first attempt is nothing more than a jumble of nonsense sounds. I try again, and manage something that sounds like “mokay.”
And here’s Hades, leaning over me, taking care of me, always there for me. And God damn if he doesn’t look amazing in that tux.
And I say, without even thinking about it, “Jesus Christ, Hades… I love you so much.”
Hades keeps looking worried for a moment, and then my words register with him, and he rocks backward like I’d punched him in the face. It’s his turn for anticlimactic sentiment.
“What?”
“Be honest with yourself,” Zeus told me, and God dammit, it’s about time someone in a position of authority laid down that mandate. Because honestly? I love Hades. I love him more than I ever wanted to admit to myself. Stupid Persephone. Worthless Persephone. Hades didn’t deserve to be saddled with my love.
But it doesn’t matter. I’m being honest, right? It doesn’t matter. Hades has laid his heart bare and told me the truth, and the least I can do for him now is the same. He loves me for me, drunk and bitchy and teasing… sorry and sad and suicidal. He loves me regardless.
And me? The truth? I say it again: “I love you, Hades.”
It feels amazing to say that. I’ve wanted to say that for years now. Decades now. Hades helps me stand up, and I turn to face him, resting my arms on his shoulders and looking into his eyes. Big, confused eyes, but there’s something dawning there now. Something that looks like hope.
“Seph, I don’t understand. I don’t… is it because of what I said? Because I’m letting you go? Because you can go to the roof now and take the drop?”
And I shake my head. No, that’s not it. Oh, I remember the allure of the drop. I remember it very well, and I think probably I always will. But all of a sudden, there’s a reason to postpone. I’m not ready to go anymore. Things just finally got interesting, after all these years. Because here’s the choice I was waiting for, the chance to control my destiny, to truly know the joy and the pain of being responsible for one’s fate. The appeal of the drop was in the choice, but the choice I’m making now is even better.
Hades is talking again, asking for clarification. Fuck clarification. We’ve got five more minutes in this alley. This dirty, dim, disgusting, beautiful alley. Five minutes to finish this. I catch Hades’ eyes and hold them.
“I want you to take me away from all of this bullshit, Hades. I want you to show me everything I’ve missed, drifting through my life. I want you to help me, and teach me, and put up with me, and just please, please love me as much as you’ve been loving me for all of this time. I promise I’ll love you back. Okay? You’ve been with me through so much. Will you stay with me through this? Will you help me?”
Hades is clearly still confused, but his face is radiant. He’s finally got what he wants, after all these years. He doesn’t understand how it happened, and I’m not sure I could explain it, but he’s not stupid, and he knows now that somehow, some way, he has at last what it was he wanted all along.
I ask him again: “Will you help me?”
Hades says “I will.”
“Do you love me?”
Hades says “I do.”
