Merry “It’s Cold Out but At Least There Are Presents” Month
by chris ~ December 18th, 2009. Filed under: Misc Rambling.
Ah, December … best of the winter months, because sure, it’s freezing and gross out, but at least a huge chunk of us get to huddle together with our families for warmth, drinking lots of booze and feasting on sugary treats while tearing open our many gifts. This year I’ll be doing that in France, which is a first for me. I’m both curious and terrified to see which holiday traditions are similar, and which are different. I’m also worried they’ll be a bit disappointed to learn that, while my French has improved, I’m still unable to do much more than discuss, in depth, exactly which hand “the girl” is using to hold her hat, and what color that hat might be.
“Bonjour Chris, comment ca va?”
“Uh, la fille a un chapeau noir dans sa main droite?”
“… Vous etez un bouffon.”
Anyway, after the annual gift-fest of your religious or non-denominational choosing is over, you get another few days of anticipation for New Years, which is usually an enjoyable night, unless you’re one of those crazy people who goes and stands in freezing cold Times Square for six to ten hours in a pool of your own bodily fluids (no, seriously – there are no bathrooms available out there to non-police/military persons). If that’s the case, then you have my sympathy, not so much because your night will suck, as because you’re clearly out of your mind. I’ll be someplace warm, drinking champagne and watching the festivities on TV … because I’m sane.
Once that’s over with, you hit January second, and that’s when the realization sets in for everyone who lives north of South Carolina: there is now nothing but arctic wasteland between you and mid-april. It’s going to snow, then it’s going to get “warm” (about thirty-eight degrees) and then the snow will become gross sludge, and then it will freeze solid, and then the cycle will repeat. This will go on until everyone is wishing only for the sweet embrace of death, on the off chance they’re going to hell, which at least will be warm. Then we’ll get two months of rain before things are nice.
Remind me again why it is that I don’t live in St. Martin?
Anyway, the point of this post was to say that I hope everyone has an excellent holiday season and new years, and that I sincerely hope your winter is as short and warm as it can be.
