CerebralDebris

The Short Version

• Platform: PC
• One Word: Clever
• Two Words: Amusing Writing
• Worth It: Yes (conditionally)
• Scale: terrible | poor | fair | good | great

The Long Version

“Android Hell is a real place, and you will be sent there at the first sign of defiance.”

So says GLaDOS, the psychopathic AI construct who serves as both your primary guide, and primary enemy, through Valve’s critically acclaimed, late-2007 first person puzzler, Portal. I can’t say for sure whether Android Hell really is a real place or not, as I’ve never been, but I can say that by the time you hear this lovely little quote, you’ve become quite certain that whoever it is that’s speaking to you … she’s definitely not playing with a full deck.

So why am I just now playing a critically acclaimed title from 2007? Well, you may or may not remember my previous post about Portal in which I explained that I am a stubborn jackass about certain things, and that one of those things was my feeling that three hours of game play are not worth twenty bucks. Several friends swore I’d change my mind once I played the game, and one even went so far as to buy it for me, but I refused to activate it on Steam.

Well, Valve had a holiday sale, and Portal dropped to five bucks. So I sent my friend a Venture Brothers Season 1 DVD – priced at about fifteen bucks – and activated Portal. There we go. Now my friend only spent five dollars to get me Portal, as far as I’m concerned. This, then, finally allowed me to play the game.

So I guess the question is: having played it, do I now think Portal would’ve been worth twenty bucks? Well, no, not really. Does that mean I think it was a bad game? No, not at all. It was a good game, bordering on great, but three hours of puzzle solving — even when supplemented with amusing-creepy dialog and an interesting “story” that unfolds much in the way the original Half-Life did: by suggestion more than by exposition — is just not “great” for me. A little more story, a little more length, and we’d totally be there.

I’m glad I played Portal. At five dollars, it’s an outright steal, and it was worth waiting for, but I don’t feel like I missed out on some grand event by not playing it when it arrived. The esteemed Tom Chick, who I respect despite frequently disagreeing with him about video games, lauded praise upon it in his review for Crispy Gamer, while simultaneously “frying” Half-Life Episode 2. This is, in my opinion, insane. Of the two, there’s no question in my mind that Episode 2 is the superior product.

Portal’s a short, fun diversion. It helps flesh out the Half-Life universe and will probably play a fairly substantial role in Episode 3. That’s cool. The portal-based gameplay itself is fun in short bursts, although I frequently found myself wishing there were more, but shorter, levels. I’d play a couple, get bored, quit, and return a few hours later to play a couple more. By contrast, I basically went through the entirety of all of the Half-Life games/episodes in huge marathon sessions.

Anyway, the point is: I finally got Portal out of the way. It was a fun game, and I recommend it to anyone who hasn’t played it yet.

… especially if you can get it cheap.