CerebralDebris

The Short Version

• Platform: Xbox 360
• One Word: Grim
• Two Words: Gleefully Brutal
• Worth It: Yes
• Scale: terrible | poor | fair | good | great

The Long Version

So, if my fiancée Charlotte was a little skeeved out by collecting hobo meat in the Penny Arcade Game, you can imagine how thrilled she was as I wound my way through this game in which your foulmouthed, hitman lead character is enticed by the gigantic, bloodthirsty eels living in his back to eat as many people’s hearts as he can.

Okay, sure, that’s a bit of a glib summary of The Darkness, but the point I’m trying to make here is that I’ve never seen a game wallow quite so much or so happily in its own filth. The Darkness is full of bad people who do bad things, and one of the worst people who does some of the worst things is, in fact, our protagonist, that guy with the eels growing out of his back, Joey Estacado. AKA: You.

Look, you’re never going to hear me bitching about how dark, gritty, or blood-spattered a game is, so that’s not a complaint, but I find it interesting that we’re living in an era where someone like Marvel Comics’ Wolverine — originally about as anti-hero as anti-heroes got — is now looked upon as sort of a goodie-two-shoes. I mean, here we’re expected to take the reigns as a hitman working for his mob-boss uncle. This is not a hitman with a heart of gold, or even a hitman who’s beginning to question his terrible career. This guy’s just an evil bastard.

He loves his girlfriend Jenny though, which is supposed to make us forget that, you know, he’s a contract killer without an ounce of conscience. There’s even a scene where if you sit with her on a couch long enough, she kisses you and you earn a “romantic” Xbox Live achievement. Yeah, that’s one romantic dude, taking ten minutes out of his busy schedule of murdering basically every single thing that moves on the New York City streets in order to sit on the couch with his woman. Maybe next time he’ll even bring flowers!

Anyway, the aforementioned uncle decides for no discernible reason to have Joey whacked. It’s seriously never really explained to any major degree. This isn’t a huge deal … you get the point pretty quick that Paulie wants you dead, but it does underscore an ongoing flaw with the game’s storyline which is that tons of stuff is poorly explained. I mean … the first time friggin’ gigantic eels spawn out of his back and start eating people, Joey reacts basically the same way he’d react to someone telling him he’s gotta go murder a nun. “Yeah, ok … gigantic eels. Whatever.”

This is a game full of terrible people who do terrible things, and Jenny (aka: Lip Ring, at least that’s what I called her whenever I was talking at the TV, which I do constantly while playing games) … well, Jenny isn’t a terrible person so naturally terrible things end up happening to her. This means you move from wanting the hit on you called off, to just wanting to destroy your uncle, his people, the corrupt police chief he works with, several random gangs of thugs, a couple hobos, and at least one helicopter.

Also there are nazi zombies (no, seriously). I mean, what? Is it some kind of rule now that you can’t make a first-person shooter without nazis? Okay, okay, technically they’re WWI-era German Soldiers, but still …

For all of this nitpicking, the game’s pretty fun. The controls are livable, the darkness powers are a blast, the use of light as an actual gameplay mechanic is excellent, the voice acting is uniformly fantastic, and the plot ticks along quickly enough that it’s almost possible to ignore all the crazy, bizarre plot holes, assumptions, and generally inexplicable story. Also it’s fun to wander around in a New York that looks modern but still seems trapped in the sliminess of the late 70s and early 80s. This is the prototypical outside view of New York City, where everyone’s a mobster and danger lurks around every corner, and it’s a lot more fun than running around a realistic version of the city, dodging strollers and tourists, would be.

The game could’ve used less nazi zombies and more New York locations, but overall I got a kick out of it and will definitely check out the sequel. I recommend it.